The Transgender Dictionary

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Polyamorous

Table of Contents

Introduction

Polyamory is a relationship style. Not everyone who is poly is considered to be a part of the LGBTQIA+ community. There are people who are queer and/or transgender that are poly. There are plenty that are not. Likewise, there are some cisgender and/or heterosexual people that are poly.

The topic of polyamory has been included in The Transgender Dictionary due to its general association with queerness. This is not due to any inherent queerness, but due to this style of relationship being outside of what is considered "normal" by most of society.

Clicking on underlined words/terms/phrases/etc throughout the main body of this page will lead you to other parts of The Transgender Dictionary with relevant definitions and information. Clicking on links underneath the [External Links] section will lead you to other parts of the internet that are not associated with The Transgender Dictionary.

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General Information

When someone says that they are polyamorous, this means that they are in (or want to be in) more than one consensual relationship at the same time. These relationships can be romantic and/or sexual in nature. This lifestyle is practiced by many people. Like with monogamous relationships, the key to any healthy relationship is clear communication among everyone that is involved.

Everyone involved in a polyamorous relationship should make things like boundaries and expectations clear. Not everyone who is polyamorous has the same boundaries and expectations, and you should not assume that just because another person says that they're poly that they have the same standards as you do. Make sure that everyone is on the same page in any relationship.

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Flag

The polyamorous pride flag was created in 1995 by Jim Evans. Like all pride flags, the polyamorous flag is used to represent and unite those who are poly. The flag helps those who are poly to recognize one another and find community.

The color blue was chosen to represent openness and honesty among all partners.

The color red was chosen to represent love and passion.

The color black was chosen to represent solidaridy among those who (though they are open and honest among their partners) must hide the nature of their relationships from the outside world due to societal pressure.

The "pi" symbol at the center was chosen to represent the first letter of the word polyamory. The color gold was chosen for this symbol to represent the value placed on emotional attatchment to others.

Click here to jump to external resources regarding the polyamorous flag.

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Terminology

Various terms related to the polyamorous community and polyamorous relationships in alphabetical order with brief explanations.

Kitchen Table Polyamory

This type of polyamorous relationship refers to when there is a family-like network of people who all know one another. The name comes from the idea of everyone in a relationship like this being able to sit down around a kitchen table with one another.

Parallel Polyamory

Relationships wherein two people are aware of but have little to no contact/interaction with one another's partners.

Polycule

A polycule refers to a network of romantically connected people. If you know someone in a polycule, and would like to know who is involved with who (as well as how many people are involved and to what degree each person is involved) feel free to ask and you will likely have an intricate diagram drawn up for you. Not everyone involved with a polycule will be romantically and/or sexually involved with everyone else in the polycule.

Primary Partner

Someone's primary partner in a poly relationship is that person's most important partner. They might be married, live together, have children, etc. Not everyone in a polyamorous relationship has a primary partner, and not everyone marries (or otherwise does everything expected of a typical monogamous relationship) with their primary partner.

Quad

A quad refers to a relationship involving a total of four people. While there is more than way these relationships can form, they typically occur when two pairs of poly people meet one another. Not all four people may have intimate relationships with one another. A "full quad" refers to when all four people involved in the relationship are romantically or sexually involved with one another in some way.

Secondary Partner

Someone's secondary partner in a poly relationship is a partner that is generally considered "less important" than their primary partner. They may share less of their lives together, may not live together, and may not share as much with one another.

Solo Polyamory

Refers to when someone who is polyamorous has no intent of merging their life with another person. Aka, no marriage, no joint bank account, no moving in together, etc.

Triad/Throuple

A triad refers to a relationship involving a total of three people. Not all three people may be dating one another, but a least one person involved is dating the other two.

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Cheating

Cheating is when someone in a committed sexual and/or romantic relationship with another person has sex with someone outside of that relationship without the permission of the person who is in the already established relationship. For example, if a man and a woman are married, and the woman goes out and gets a boyfriend on the side without first having a conversation with her husband regarding this - that would be cheating.

Being in a polyamorous relationship is not the same thing as cheating. The key step that separates cheating with polyamory from cheating is sitting down and having a conversation with the various parties involved. If a woman sits down with her husband and says something along the lines of "Hey, I think that I would feel happier and more emotionally and/or sexually fulfilled in life if I had another sexual and/or romantic partner in my life" and he agreed to her having a second partner, then that would not be cheating.

That being said, monogamous partners are under no obligation to agree to being in a polyamorous relationship. Under circumstances such as that, then that is something to be talked out among the people who are involved with the relationship. AKA - if the polyamorous person wants to stay in a relationship with someone who is strictly monogamous and vise versa.

It is possible for people who are in polyamorous relationships to cheat. Cheating is not linked to any particular relationship type. It is something that happens when there is not clear communication among the various people who are involved in a relationship.

Sometimes, there are people who cheat in monogamous relationships under the excuse that they are poly. Whether or not they are poly, this is not a good excuse. It does nothing more than give polyamory a bad name. If you want to have intimate relationships with more than one person, the various people involved should be aware of one another.

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See also the pages for; dating advice, queer platonic relationships, polygender, polysexual, ambiamorous.

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